WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE 4 YEARS OLD
A 4-year-old child is eager to learn factual information about her world. But she still has difficulty distinguishing fact from fantasy. Her well-developed power of imagination sometimes causes her to confuse reality with fantasy.
For example, she may report as "true" some elaborate stories she tells which are filled with themes of violence and death.
If she watches much television--and sees programs which use flashback techniques, depict an actor "dying," or encapsulate a person's whole life in 30 minutes--she is likely to be even more confused about distinguishing reality from unreality.
In trying to resolve conflicts in her mind between "fact" and "fantasy," between "good" and "bad," between "right" and "wrong," a 4-year-old experiences inevitable frustrations.
Because of these frustrations it will not be too surprising to find that your child may sometimes exhibit problem behaviors at this age. These behaviors may take different forms: open disobedience, bad language, resistance at bedtime, or even a bout of bedwetting.
In dealing with these problem behaviors, parents should keep in mind the inner conflicts their child is likely to be experiencing at this age. Most of these conflicts are related to her newly emerging feelings, thoughts, powers, and abilities.
In trying to sort out and cope with her experiences, she will inevitably make many mistakes. She will blunder repeatedly. At times you may even wonder if she is deliberately testing your patience with her "impossible" behavior.
Through all of this turmoil she is learning to deal more effectively with her own behavior. To help her acquire more effective control over her actions, parents need to set firm, consistent, and reasonable limits for her.
But this should be combined with large doses of love and understanding. In these ways your child will be helped to express openly and deal effectively with her conflicting emotions while at the same time unraveling the many mysteries in her mind.
Parents can also use problem behaviors as opportunities to teach positive, desirable behaviors, using praise and rewards for good behavior. Instead of saying, "Don't jump around in your chair," you could make a positive statement such as, "I'm impressed that you have worked so quietly until now." In the words of the proverb, "You can do more with sugar than you can with vinegar."
Four years old can be a wonderful and expansive age for your child, physically, intellectually, emotionally, and socially. By being able to participate actively as a parent in this exciting developmental process, you enrich not only your child's life but your own as well.
Although your child may have already been successfully toilet trained, don't be too surprised if some additional bedwetting occurs during the preschool years.
Although most bedwetters are dry by age 6, approximately 10 percent of all school-age children experience bedwetting problems.
In this group, for reasons not well understood, boys outnumber girls by 3 to 1.
Bedwetting can cause considerable upset and embarrassment for both the child and the parent. Some parents mistakenly punish their child--such as by putting him in diapers--for this behavior. Such punishment will most likely only make the problem worse.
There are several possible causes for a child to wet the bed. Physical causes would include such factors as: (a) the child's bladder may not yet be sufficiently developed to hold a full night's urine; (b) his muscular responses may not yet be adequately developed to inhibit urinating; (c) he may have a hormonal imbalance, or (d) he may not awaken with a full bladder due to a pattern of unusually sound sleep.
Bedwetting may also occur if a child experiences emotional stress, such as when sleeping away from home or if a death or divorce occurs in the family.
Daytime wetting may occur even past age 5 whenever a child is frightened or laughs too heartily, or just forgets to go to the bathroom because he is having a really good time.
Approximately 75 percent of 4-year-olds outgrow bedwetting problems without need for any form of intervention. Although most other bedwetters would probably eventually outgrow the problem on their own, it would generally take many years for them to do so. Among adults only 1 in 100 experience bedwetting problems.
Here are some suggestions for parents on how to handle a child's bedwetting problems:
1. In most cases the best way to deal with occasional bedwetting is to treat it as normal behavior. In other words, avoid punishing the child. Discuss the behavior with the child in a matter-of-fact manner.
2. If the bedwetting continues to occur at least two or three times a week, some common sense remedies for your child should be used, such as (a) avoiding drinking large amounts of liquid before bedtime, and (b) using the toilet immediately before getting into bed.
3. If both of these remedies are insufficient, parents can try dry-bed training which consists of waking the child to use the bathroom immediately before the parents go to bed. With this method, the child may also be awakened at regular intervals during the night to use the bathroom.
4. If none of these remedies work, parents should consider purchasing a urine alarm device. This consists of a moisture-sensitive pad which is connected to a battery-operated alarm. At the first sign of dampness, the alarm sounds to remind the child that it is time to use the toilet.
5. A physician may prescribe medication, such as imipramine hydrochloride (trade name, Tofranil). Only 50 percent of children taking this drug become dry and almost all resume bedwetting when the drug treatment is discontinued. Hence it is usually regarded only as a temporary solution. Possible side effects include increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, and loss of appetite.
A more recently developed medication called desmopressin acetate (trade name DDAVP) has been successful in some cases. It comes in the form of a nasal spray and must be prescribed by a physician.
Whatever method parents decide to use, it is best to remain calm and deal with the problem in a matter-of-fact manner. A child's feelings can easily be hurt due to the embarrassment of a wet bed. Scolding will most likely only increase the child's anxiety which, in turn, could result in even more bedwetting.
A helpful resource for parents is a book by A.C. Hout and R.M. Liebert titled, "Bedwetting: A Guide for Parents and Children."
In recent years educators and psychologists have been studying an important area of child development called psychosocial development. This term refers to the psychology of social development which, as we shall see, covers a wide range of social behaviors.
An important contribution to our understanding of the psychosocial development of young children has been made by the eminent psychoanalyst, Erik Erikson.
Although Erikson's theory includes eight stages of development which cover the entire life span, we will discuss only the first three stages which relate to the preschool years.
Each psychosocial stage involves a "crisis" which shapes later development. For Erikson, a "crisis" is a developmental challenge which one faces, rather than a catastrophe in one's life.
According to Erikson's theory, the crisis during the first year of life is one of trust versus mistrust.
How an infant's needs are met on a regular basis during this period determines whether he develops a basic sense of trust or mistrust. If his physical and emotional needs are consistently met in a caring manner, he will develop trust.
In turn, this trust will enable him to be open to new experiences in his environment. By contrast, a child who is deprived of a caring and loving environment may develop a sense of mistrust toward the world.
A child who has learned to trust others progresses to the next positive stage--development of a sense of autonomy. By becoming more aware during toddlerhood of the meaning of the words "I," "my," and "mine," he develops a better sense of his own independence.
On the contrary, when a young child is frequently punished harshly or when his behavior is too strictly controlled, he may develop what Erikson has called "a sense of shame or doubt" which can lead to later psychological problems.
The next crisis, initiative versus guilt, normally occurs during the preschool years. A 4-year-old who has developed a sense of autonomy during toddlerhood is now ready to show more initiative in exploring his world. He is learning to determine what kind of person he can become.
A preschool child is ready to take more initiative in his environment because of:
(1) His newly acquired language abilities which enable him to ask innumerable questions about anything and everything that interests him;
(2) His improved mobility skills, which enable him to explore the physical world more freely; and
(3) His newly developed cognitive abilities, which enable him to expand his imagination. In his mind he can now become whatever and whomever he imagines he wants to be.
At this stage you will notice his descriptions of himself will frequently be related to his physical capabilities (for example, "I can jump this high!"), or to his possessions ("I have a pedal-car").
By initiating his own activities, he now shows more purpose in everything he does. He also shows greater satisfaction in his activities. And he takes greater pride in whatever he accomplishes.
If you watch a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old child playing, for example, you are more likely to see the older child show initiative by building a tall tower with wooden blocks, whereas the younger child will want to assert autonomy by knocking down the tower.
A 4-year-old who has developed a sense of autonomy during toddlerhood is now ready to show more initiative in exploring his world.
With an energy that at times seems inexhaustible, a 4-year-old child is eager to learn whatever he sees someone else doing. His enthusiasm helps him overlook any temporary failure on his part. He is ready to start over or undertake some new challenge.
On the contrary, when a child fails to develop a sense of initiative, the result, according to Erikson, is the development of a sense of guilt. This feeling can arise when a child experiences repeated failure, sometimes related to unrealistic parental expectations.
This feeling can also be brought about when the child's primary caregivers are overcritical or too harsh in their discipline. The child feels guilty for attempting to become independent.
Parents can help a preschool child develop a basic sense of initiative by:
(a) Providing appropriate toys, such as wooden blocks, for creative
learning
experiences;
(b) Encouraging exploration and initiative in play;
(c) Giving recognition to new accomplishments; and
(d) Being supportive in times of failure.
Parents also need to be patient whenever they see their preschool child make mistakes or occasionally be overly aggressive in his actions or words.
The child who develops a strong sense of initiative during the preschool years has formed the basis for later psychosocial growth and development.
Such a child develops self-confidence and a positive self-image, enabling him to face life's challenges with even greater vigor and enthusiasm.
PARENT INVOLVEMENT IN A YOUNG CHILD'S PLAY
It has been remarked that a parent is a young child's first and most important teacher. How then can parents take a more active part in their child's learning through play?
We will discuss four different types of parent-child play activity: (1) instructional, (2) observational, (3) interactive, and (4) self-directed play.
Instructional play
In this type of play activity, the role of the parent is to instruct, and the role of the child is to learn. This form of interaction is most appropriate when a child needs guidance and direction in tackling a new and challenging task.
When working on a new puzzle, for example, the parent might say: "I am going to try putting this piece here because this shape matches that space, and this color matches that color."
By thinking aloud the parent is actively instructing the child in a method of problem solving which will enhance the skills of the child.
It is important to give the child an opportunity to practice the newly learned skill immediately after the parent has taught it.
Observational play
In this form of play, the parent demonstrates a skill without formal instructions while the child observes.
A parent might initiate observational play by saying, for example: "Let's see what I can build with these blocks." The parent then starts to build with the blocks, modeling the particular play skill which the child will learn.
Although this form of play does not involve direct verbal instruction, the parent may make some comments or ask questions ("Do you think this piece will fit?") to help focus the child's observation and attention on the skill being modeled by the parent.
Interactive play
In this type of play activity, both parent and child take a co-equal active part. The parent might say, for example, "Let's work on this together." Parent and child then become engaged in the same activity either working cooperatively or taking turns. This assumes that the child has already acquired the basic skills to participate even though the parent may be more skillful.
Children particularly like to be praised ("You're doing a good job.") whenever they engage in interactive play with an adult.
Self-directed play
In this type of play, the child assumes a more independent role and, in general, directs his own activity. For example, the child may decide what game to play and may even decide what the rules will be.
The role of the parent in this type of play activity is to give the child as much freedom as possible while at the same time being ready to step in if the child becomes destructive, or if he may cause injury to self or others.
How to decide which type of play activity to use
It is important for parents to be aware when to become more involved in their child's play and when to assume a less active role. In general, a child needs instruction when faced with a new and difficult task. But for instruction to be successful the child must be in a frame of mind to learn.
If the child shows signs of fatigue, it is best to try another approach. Likewise the parent must be in a good mood--not rushed or irritable--in order for this activity to be a fun time together.
The more familiar a child is with some play activity, the greater the likelihood that self-directed play will be appropriate. A great deal of learning can take place during self-directed play as the child uses different methods--such as trial-and-error--to face a challenging task.
With this type of play activity, inappropriate intervention by an adult may actually disrupt the child's learning.
It should be noted that the same playthings may be used with any one of these four types of play activity. For example, with a new puzzle, a parent may begin with some direct instruction ("I'm going to put this piece here because ..."), then move later to observational play where the parent models the play skills needed and the child observes before practicing the skill.
Once the child has acquired the basic skill, parent and child can engage in interactive play during which they work side by side to solve the puzzle together.
Eventually the child can engage in self-directed play in putting together the puzzle unaided by any adult.
In summary, having some awareness of the different types of play activity can help parents assume a more effective role in their child's learning experiences.
In advancing from instructional play, (in which the child is greatly dependent on the parent), to self-directed play, (in which he assumes a more independent role), the child progresses from being a passive learner to being an active doer.
Almost every American family owns or has access to a television set. In the average home, it has been estimated that the TV set is turned on for six or more hours every day.
Recent studies also indicate that, although the amount of viewing varies from one home to another, the average preschooler watches two to four hours of television each day. Long-term TV viewing habits are usually established between 2-1/2 and 6 years of age.
It was also found that children from poorer families watched more television than those from more affluent families.
The amount of time spent in front of the TV set increases steadily during the preschool years. The peak amount of TV viewing occurs during the early elementary school years.
By the time they graduate from high school, most students will have spent 12,000 hours in the classroom, and over 18,000 hours watching TV. They will also have spent more time with the TV set than with their parents.
Positive effects
Given the great influence of television on children's lives, it is not surprising to find that in recent years many research studies have been conducted in this area.
In reporting the findings of these studies, we will begin with positive effects that were found. Good educational TV programs can sometimes enhance young children's learning by providing information about the world outside their own immediate environment.
Research findings regarding the educational programs "Sesame Street" and "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood" were mainly positive. These programs, of course, were specifically designed to stimulate a young child's social, cognitive, and language development.
In particular, 3-year-old children who watched "Sesame Street" frequently, when compared with those who didn't watch the program frequently, were found to have larger vocabularies at age 5.
By contrast, 3-year-olds who frequently watched other non-educational programs did not have increased vocabularies at age 5. In other words, TV watching did not result in increased vocabulary unless the TV program was designed to improve language development skills.
The portrayal of children of various ethnic groups in a positive manner on "Sesame Street" was found to influence positively the behavior of young children who were later observed playing and interacting with children of these same various ethnic groups.
Research studies have also indicated that young children who frequently watched "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood" were considered by their parents to be more friendly and cooperative during play, to observe rules better, and to tolerate delays more patiently.
It was also found that the program stimulates reflective thinking in young children. The findings are not too surprising, since this program was designed to help children use imagination and creativity and develop positive self-esteem.
Some researchers point out, however, that even good TV programs deprive children of time that might be better spent in creative play and other more active developmental experiences.
TV violence
Of all the influences of television on young children, the one that has caused the most concern is the impact of TV violence. Research evidence accumulated over several decades and corroborated both by two Surgeon Generals' Reports and by the National Institutes of Mental Health, indicates a strong relationship between TV violence and children's aggressive behavior.
This research evidence indicates that:
(1) Up to 80 percent of primetime shows on television include violence.
(2) Although action-adventure programs intended for adults have a high frequency of violence (on average, eight violent acts per hour), the highest frequency of TV violence is found in children's cartoons (over 20 acts of violence in every hour).
(3) If verbal aggression was counted, the rate would be much higher.
(4) Children, both boys and girls, who watched violence on TV were found to be more likely to engage in aggressive behavior than those who did not watch violence on TV. In particular, preschool children who watched TV cartoon shows with violence, later pushed, choked, and kicked their playmates a great deal more than a group of preschool children who watched nonviolent TV cartoons.
(5) The amount of TV violence watched also makes a difference. The more TV violence a child watched, the more aggressive the child became.
(6) The effects of TV violence also appear to be long-term. It was found that the amount of TV violence a child watched at age 8 was related to the seriousness of criminal acts performed as an adult. In another study, the amount of aggressive behavior exhibited by over 1500 12- to 17-year-olds. was related to the amount of TV violence they had watched.
(7) It has also been found that one of the effects of watching TV violence is that children eventually become insensitive to the pain and suffering that results from violent behavior.
(8) It was also found that "good guys" are just as likely as "bad guys" to commit violent acts. Subtle techniques are used in TV programs and films to encourage the viewer to want a violent act to be committed.
(9) On TV programs, in general, violence is rewarded and is portrayed as a satisfying and successful way for people to get whatever they want.
Next month we will discuss ethnic and sex-role stereotypes as well as children's food commercials on TV. The following month we will discuss the influence of television on a child's cognitive development. We will conclude with fourteen very practical steps parents can take regarding their child's TV viewing habits.
One of the most precious gifts that any parent can give a 4-year-old child is a love of reading.
It should be noted that at this young age we are not talking about teaching your child to become a precocious or "early" reader. Research studies have indicated that, while some children can be taught to read at this early age, the practice should not be generally encouraged.
It was found, for example, that by age 10, "later" readers catch up with "early" readers and in some instances surpass them in reading skills and comprehension.
We are talking instead about ways in which to stimulate your child's love of reading. If you help your child develop an interest in books at this age, you will open the gates to a world of wonder, knowledge, and entertainment--for the rest of her life.
One of the ways to instill in your child a love of reading is to help her choose books that will interest and excite her. A good place to start, in selecting an appropriate book, is your public library. Librarians are usually trained to identify books that are suitable for your child's age level.
After the librarian has directed you to several books that are appropriate for your preschool child, let her browse through them to select the ones she wants you to read to her at home. Be aware that her choices will most likely not be the ones you would have picked!
By now your child should have her own library card. From one library visit to another you can take care of it so that it won't be lost. But let her use it when it is time to check out the books. In this way she will feel more involved--and more proud.
Some libraries have children's books on tape. These tapes are particularly useful on days when you have many chores to do around the house. Youngster can be taught to push the "start" button to listen to her favorite stories or nursery rhymes. You can listen also in the distance while getting your own work done.
It is very important to occasionally set aside some special time during the day for reading: after dinner, before bedtime . . . anywhere, anytime can be good reading time. Just make sure to give priority to this special time with your child.
In this way she will learn: (1) that she is an important person in your life, and (2) that you place a high value on reading.
If you find that there is one library book in particular that has captured her interest--for example, one that she has asked you to read and reread to her five or six times--consider buying her very own copy to keep in her room.
Giving books as gifts is a wonderful way to let your child know that you think books are special. Be sure to put her books on a low shelf where she will have easy access to them.
Have plenty of reading material--books, magazines, brochures--around the house. When you read to her, try lots of different reading materials. There is a book or magazine for every taste. The more you read to your child, the more you will become aware of her particular interests and tastes. Be prepared to be amazed by some of the things which spark her interest!
Lastly, let your child become aware of your own love of reading. Talk to her about the things you like to read. Your own good example--more effectively than any words--will instill in your child a lifelong love of reading.
DEAR GROWING CHILD
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CONTRIBUTING AUTHORS
Phil Bach, O.D., Ph.D.
Miriam Bender, Ph.D.
Joseph Braga, Ed.D.
Laurie Braga, Ph.D.
George Early, Ph.D.
Liam Grimley, Ph.D.
Robert Hanneman, M.D., F.A.A.P.
Sylvia Kottler, M.S.
Bill Peterson, Ph.D.