MEMORIES ARE MADE EVERY DAY

In these stressful pandemic times, with opportunity for contemplation, our minds often drift to recollections of pleasanter times. Consider occasions when you have truly enjoyed being with your children.

Picture the setting - where were you? Was it cozy times together at home, or adventures outdoors? Perhaps it was a vacation somewhere, with time for you all to connect? Was it something you decided would be fun for the family to enjoy, or an idea from one of your children?

Let your mind drift as you enjoy these reminiscences. Try to be there again in your memory. Can you hear the laughter and see your kids' faces? Can you feel your own pleasure in sharing this time together?

In fact, it would be fun to ask your kids for their own favorite memories first. I know many parents have been concerned about the effects of Covid and the pandemic on their growing children, and it may be too soon for this conversation, but sometime down the road, why not bring up the question of what they remember from this time.

You might be surprised to learn that they have happy memories of how you all spent so very much time together, perhaps baking and cooking more, or with opportunities for games and creative ways to help others.

They, of course, didn't have some of the same adult anxieties that you parents have for keeping everyone safe and functioning in work and school - to say nothing of running a household while isolated - and can focus on the family fun. But keep this in mind, to lessen your own anxieties: there have probably been happy memories stored in these dark times.

Consider also that in many cases, you don't realize you are making memories. You just knew you were having fun, or sharing something new, or supporting your kids to learn a new skill. Memory-making is not something you add to a parenting to-do list for Monday, like make dental appointments, buy new running shoes, or clean out the toy shelves.

With no direct effort from you, your children's brains are storing away their times with you so they can pull them out for savoring later in their lives. Sure, there's some less than great stuff being stored away as well, like being scared by the neighbor's dog or having to wear big sister's hand-me-down-jeans, but if we concentrate on the pleasant routines and extra special happenings, the unpleasant will be far outweighed by the happy memories.

Happy memories are pleasurable, and they are also ways we keep our relationships and continue our influence, long after our children grow up.

In a speech my oldest son was giving to a national audience a few years ago, I was bemused to hear him say, "My mom always said you shouldn't come empty-handed, so here is . . ."

And just like that, evidence that everyday throwaway comments are somewhere, along with other happy times. Memories are who we are and who we become.